This is so correct (unfortunately). I feel like some ‘girls girls’ are just that — but they’re not *women’s women* as in they support girls until they don’t fit into the ‘girlypop’ category in which there’s no room for messiness or ugliness or nuance or reaction.
i unfortunately agree. the support is definitely conditional which makes it shallow. women are complex beings and if your support for women is only reserved for the ones you deem “likable” well.. you might end up contributing to misogynistic smear campaigns.
My heart breaks everytime I come across courtroom memes on Amber. She might be at fault, but imagine the world turning you like that because your husband is a man, and he's more likeable.
thank you for writing this. it is so crucial especially because i’m seeing the same (although on a lesser scale) treatment of angelina jolie as she continues to stand her ground when it comes to speaking out about the abuse she faced at the hands of brad pitt.
i literally lost it the other day on a family member who tried to say “well, he has substance issues” and “he’s done philanthropy” as a way to defend him and insinuate that she shouldn’t have said anything.
i’m sorry but i will always believe a victim unless proven otherwise because i cannot imagine if the roles were reversed and no one believed me. i will never understand the urge to defend the abuser first. it just floors me. what is it about these men that make you feel like this? and what is it about these women that make you hate them.
yes, i think about amber heard every time i see someone treat angelina jolie like a liar. they’re both super famous movie stars and yet angelina is automatically the lying demon and brad the innocent angel hmmm..
i’m sorry you had to deal with someone trying to defend him. amber heard did what people say you should do and yet people find a way to demonize her. it’s so sad.
i agree and i can’t understand it either. it just blows my mind. it’s part of why i have such passionate feelings about the ah v jd trial. Witnessing the way being a male actor is enough to get people to dehumanized his victim and make her out to the perpetrator despite evidence, despite the me too movement, despite the many stories from woman who were abused by an ex partner... it’s just mind blowing
i appreciate you for commenting this and for reading my piece. 💖
"A real woman would never hit back. She would do the right thing and let him hit her and hope it would not cause permanent damage. She would trust law enforcement to take over. She would die at the hands of her abuser and be mourned for being a victim of abuse."
I love the way you worded this so much. This was a really beautifully written article. I remember feeling like I was going insane in 2022 when friends, family, and everyone on social media, banded together to endlessly mock and belittle Amber.
thank you so much for the kind words <3. seeing the way Amber Heard was treated forever changed my relationship with internet + social media. the enjoyment people seemed to get from watching the trial + dehumanizing Heard is something i’ll never understand .
that trial was disgusting and the mob mentality of "believe the more famous one" was cringe as fuck and pathetic. fuck Dunny Hep, the woman bashing piece of shit. great article.
It was such a heart breaking and frustrating ordeal as it was happening because it felt like trying to reason with a wall, nobody was budging. Misogyny plays such a huge role in denying Amber Heard of her victimhood but I do also think Depp's scummy lawyer accomplished twisting the narrative. The audio of Depp saying Amber hit him and her calling him a baby made a lot of people second guess Amber's accusations and from there it was cake. It's absolutely disgusting to warp her trauma and belligerence towards her abuser as a gotcha moment. Female victims can't be angry and defiant and messy, they have to be perpetually demure and sad to get sympathy points while Depp is allowed to be a cocky bastard about his "abuse".
The part about how defense of Amber is shutdown by pivoting to Depp’s gender and using it to say that he’s a man and that’s why you won’t believe him, is so on point. I remember social media, around the time of that trial, filled with statistics and “facts” about how men are abused more than women and how men’s voices are not heard. And it was an effective way to whatabout any concern anyone brought up about Amber’s experience. That is the underlying principle of family court as well.
I remember seeing the same thing! I completely agree with you. It sucks that this case was used as a way to discuss how men can be victims of domestic violence when Johnny is not at all the victim that his supporters so desperately want him to be.
It’s terrifying watching women being hated and viciously hounded for not staying silent about the gender-based violence they’ve endured. My heart goes out to the direct victims and the countless victims who are silenced about their own abuse as a result.
There’s a really good Substack on this - it actually talks about the recent Blake a lovely thing also - turns out her co-star hired the same PR firm as Depp and the main thing they did was villianize these women by using hundreds(thousands) of created social media accounts to bash them which in turn created the illusion that everyone bought into.
I have always believed Amber. Johnny Depp was adjudicated to have abused and assaulted Amber Heard. His ongoing behavior fits the pattern of the arrogant coercive violent narcissist. After reading your article, I did a little dive into the credentials of the so-called ‘body language expert.’ I take issue with her claim of being a “body language expert” on the grounds that no such expertise exists. I know this for a fact because I taught nonverbal communication at the
university level for 17 years. There is no such thing as a body language. Nonverbal communication is always contextual and by its nature, does not fit the definitive criteria of a language. Dr. Mahler, and other charlatans like her, may have taken a couple classes in nonverbal communication, may present smart on camera, or may excel at marketing themselves, but they are certainly NOT “body-language experts.”
After watching Dr. Mahler speak on camera, I have my own impression, which I think I can sum up far more succinctly than she does in her’s; she’s a phony who doesn’t believe her own words. She desperately wants to be liked and noticed, and will say almost anything very animatedly to get the attention she so desperately desires.
It’s a topic I couldn’t help but feel compelled to write about, especially in the age of girls girl feminism where support for women feels so frivolous and more pro consumerism than truly pro women. Thank you so much for reading & sharing!! 💗✨
This is so correct (unfortunately). I feel like some ‘girls girls’ are just that — but they’re not *women’s women* as in they support girls until they don’t fit into the ‘girlypop’ category in which there’s no room for messiness or ugliness or nuance or reaction.
i unfortunately agree. the support is definitely conditional which makes it shallow. women are complex beings and if your support for women is only reserved for the ones you deem “likable” well.. you might end up contributing to misogynistic smear campaigns.
Internalised misogyny is very real.
My heart breaks everytime I come across courtroom memes on Amber. She might be at fault, but imagine the world turning you like that because your husband is a man, and he's more likeable.
Exactly
Amber heard believers unite
thank you for writing this. it is so crucial especially because i’m seeing the same (although on a lesser scale) treatment of angelina jolie as she continues to stand her ground when it comes to speaking out about the abuse she faced at the hands of brad pitt.
i literally lost it the other day on a family member who tried to say “well, he has substance issues” and “he’s done philanthropy” as a way to defend him and insinuate that she shouldn’t have said anything.
i’m sorry but i will always believe a victim unless proven otherwise because i cannot imagine if the roles were reversed and no one believed me. i will never understand the urge to defend the abuser first. it just floors me. what is it about these men that make you feel like this? and what is it about these women that make you hate them.
this was beautiful. thank you for it.
yes, i think about amber heard every time i see someone treat angelina jolie like a liar. they’re both super famous movie stars and yet angelina is automatically the lying demon and brad the innocent angel hmmm..
i’m sorry you had to deal with someone trying to defend him. amber heard did what people say you should do and yet people find a way to demonize her. it’s so sad.
i agree and i can’t understand it either. it just blows my mind. it’s part of why i have such passionate feelings about the ah v jd trial. Witnessing the way being a male actor is enough to get people to dehumanized his victim and make her out to the perpetrator despite evidence, despite the me too movement, despite the many stories from woman who were abused by an ex partner... it’s just mind blowing
i appreciate you for commenting this and for reading my piece. 💖
Women's mistakes are always magnified
"A real woman would never hit back. She would do the right thing and let him hit her and hope it would not cause permanent damage. She would trust law enforcement to take over. She would die at the hands of her abuser and be mourned for being a victim of abuse."
I love the way you worded this so much. This was a really beautifully written article. I remember feeling like I was going insane in 2022 when friends, family, and everyone on social media, banded together to endlessly mock and belittle Amber.
thank you so much for the kind words <3. seeing the way Amber Heard was treated forever changed my relationship with internet + social media. the enjoyment people seemed to get from watching the trial + dehumanizing Heard is something i’ll never understand .
This one hit hard
that trial was disgusting and the mob mentality of "believe the more famous one" was cringe as fuck and pathetic. fuck Dunny Hep, the woman bashing piece of shit. great article.
It was such a heart breaking and frustrating ordeal as it was happening because it felt like trying to reason with a wall, nobody was budging. Misogyny plays such a huge role in denying Amber Heard of her victimhood but I do also think Depp's scummy lawyer accomplished twisting the narrative. The audio of Depp saying Amber hit him and her calling him a baby made a lot of people second guess Amber's accusations and from there it was cake. It's absolutely disgusting to warp her trauma and belligerence towards her abuser as a gotcha moment. Female victims can't be angry and defiant and messy, they have to be perpetually demure and sad to get sympathy points while Depp is allowed to be a cocky bastard about his "abuse".
Great piece! You should listen to the podcast “Who trolled Amber?” by Tortoise Media. It does investigate media manipulation in this case.
Thank you for the kind words and for you the rec!! 💞
The part about how defense of Amber is shutdown by pivoting to Depp’s gender and using it to say that he’s a man and that’s why you won’t believe him, is so on point. I remember social media, around the time of that trial, filled with statistics and “facts” about how men are abused more than women and how men’s voices are not heard. And it was an effective way to whatabout any concern anyone brought up about Amber’s experience. That is the underlying principle of family court as well.
I remember seeing the same thing! I completely agree with you. It sucks that this case was used as a way to discuss how men can be victims of domestic violence when Johnny is not at all the victim that his supporters so desperately want him to be.
Stunning piece of writing. Thank you for this.
💕 thank you so much for reading!
It’s terrifying watching women being hated and viciously hounded for not staying silent about the gender-based violence they’ve endured. My heart goes out to the direct victims and the countless victims who are silenced about their own abuse as a result.
Thank you for this essay. It is so very needed.
it really is and it happens way too often. thank you ❣️and thank for reading my piece!
There’s a really good Substack on this - it actually talks about the recent Blake a lovely thing also - turns out her co-star hired the same PR firm as Depp and the main thing they did was villianize these women by using hundreds(thousands) of created social media accounts to bash them which in turn created the illusion that everyone bought into.
I have always believed Amber. Johnny Depp was adjudicated to have abused and assaulted Amber Heard. His ongoing behavior fits the pattern of the arrogant coercive violent narcissist. After reading your article, I did a little dive into the credentials of the so-called ‘body language expert.’ I take issue with her claim of being a “body language expert” on the grounds that no such expertise exists. I know this for a fact because I taught nonverbal communication at the
university level for 17 years. There is no such thing as a body language. Nonverbal communication is always contextual and by its nature, does not fit the definitive criteria of a language. Dr. Mahler, and other charlatans like her, may have taken a couple classes in nonverbal communication, may present smart on camera, or may excel at marketing themselves, but they are certainly NOT “body-language experts.”
After watching Dr. Mahler speak on camera, I have my own impression, which I think I can sum up far more succinctly than she does in her’s; she’s a phony who doesn’t believe her own words. She desperately wants to be liked and noticed, and will say almost anything very animatedly to get the attention she so desperately desires.
This was well written and I loved every part
thank you for the kind words 🩷 :)
I believe you Amber Heard.
THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS ! I'm sending it to everyone I know
It’s a topic I couldn’t help but feel compelled to write about, especially in the age of girls girl feminism where support for women feels so frivolous and more pro consumerism than truly pro women. Thank you so much for reading & sharing!! 💗✨
Amazing piece ❤️
thank you so much! 💜